When we think about grief, our minds often go to the heartbreak and terrain of emotions following the loss of someone or something dear to us. But grief isn’t always tied to death. This holiday season, we’re shining light on a different, often overlooked type of grief: ambiguous loss.
Whether it’s caused by estranged relationships or watching a loved on face a debilitating diagnosis like dementia, ambiguous loss brings unique challenges. Let’s explore ambiguous loss and how to navigate this grief during the holiday season.
What is Ambiguous Loss?
Ambiguous loss is defined as occurring when a loved one is physically missing or psychologically absent. Some examples include:
Chronic or terminal illness
Separation
When we experience ambiguous loss, the lack of a sense of closure can cause our grief to present differently, making it harder to navigate. Grieving ambiguous loss can be isolating, especially during family-oriented holidays.
Common Triggers During the Holidays:
Festive traditions can bring a mix of joy and sadness during the holiday season. This can amplify the feelings of uncertainty and loss associated with ambiguous loss and grief. While navigating this time of year, here are some common triggers:
Holiday Traditions: Rituals and traditions without loved ones can feel bittersweet, reminding you of the change in presence and feelings of impending loss.
Gatherings and Social Interactions: Seeing other families or joyful gatherings can bring up feelings of longing or sadness. If you’re grieving someone who is present but unavailable (e.g. due to dementia or estrangement), social gatherings can feel especially lonely and isolating.
Holiday Music and Media: Song lyrics and movies during the holidays often showcase family togetherness and nostalgia. This can bring back bittersweet or painful memories of your loved one(s).
Pressure to Feel Joyful: We often hear that the holiday season is “the most wonderful time of the year”. This pressure to find joy, celebrate, and be happy can make it harder to acknowledge and process complex emotions associated with ambiguous loss and grief.
Coping With Ambiguous Loss and Grief:
Recognizing what might trigger your feelings of loss and grief is the first step in addressing and coping with them. Here are some common strategies that might help you cope during the holidays.
Self-Validation: Ambiguous loss and grief can bring up relentless self-criticism and negative thoughts. Self-validation is commonly used while navigating grief and can provide you with the self-compassion and space you need to cope with your holiday triggers.
Adapt Traditions: It’s never too late to make new traditions or adapt old ones! Maybe you want to traditions to honour a loved one or create new ones to honour yourself.
Set Boundaries: Are the celebrations feeling like they’re too much? Limit your participation in activities or gatherings that are overwhelming for you.
Seek Support: Navigating grief can be isolating, so try not to do it alone. Connecting with your people and sharing your feelings with someone you trust can lessen the weight of what you’re carrying. Support groups or therapy also offer a safe space to explore grief and strategies to cope.
When to seek help
Understanding ambiguous loss is the first step to navigating the associated grief. Sometimes, however, we need a little help to work through these feelings and emotions. Need a hand working through your ambiguous grief? Contact us to book a session or schedule a consultation call.
See also: Grief Therapy: Acute vs. Complex Explained
Resources
Intentional Outcomes. (n.d.). Building coping skills: Your ultimate toolkit for life’s challenges. Retrieved from https://intentionaloutcomes.com/building-coping-skills-your-ultimate-toolkit-for-lifes-challenges/
Intentional Outcomes. (n.d.). Finding healing and resilience: Managing grief with dialectical behavior therapy. Retrieved from https://intentionaloutcomes.com/finding-healing-and-resilience-managing-grief-with-dialectical-behavior-therapy/
Rosen, A. (2023, May 5). What is ambiguous grief and how to begin healing? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/soulbroken/202305/what-is-ambiguous-grief-and-how-to-begin-healing
